Three Days Read online

  And still I thought of Charlie.

  She’d done a lot of my clothes shopping. Nothing got past without her approval. We’d known each other so well and for so long; she knew my tastes and fitted them in with hers. I would have worn a hessian sack if she’d asked me to.

  I walked out towards the bookshop. Maybe a good paperback would keep me preoccupied, if only for a while. Turning the last corner, I nearly ran into Rowan’s mother coming the other way.

  The colour drained from her face as she saw me.

  “I’m sorry, Mrs Taylor. Going too fast.”

  She stood for a moment, just looking at me. I don’t think she knew what to say. Taking a deep breath, she forced the words out. “Oh, Andrew. Are you home now?”

  “For the moment. I need to find a job, and I’ve got to go back for counselling sessions so I won’t be sticking around here for long.”

  She gulped. All the years I’d known her she’d never been good at hiding her feelings.

  “So you’ll be around Rowan?”

  “In the same city, but not around her. I have to find my feet.”

  Uncertainty crossed her face. I didn’t have to ask what she was worried about.

  “I won’t go anywhere near her. What I did was wrong, and I was out of my mind when I did it. I’m in control now.”

  She seemed to take in my words, nodding. I’d been as close to this woman as my own mother at one time. Now we were like strangers, and it was all my fault. When I’d been away, I hadn’t thought that much about her. Now I saw her, I missed her.

  “Mrs Taylor, I’m okay now. Want to go for coffee? We can talk some more about it if you’d like to.”

  “I don’t know if I can,” she whispered.

  “I understand. I’ll be at Mum and Dad’s for a few more days if you want to talk.” She wouldn’t come; I already knew that. Of course her loyalty was to Rowan. Rowan’s parents adored her; I’d be the last person she’d want to hang out with.

  She nodded, moving past me without saying another word. I watched as she disappeared into the distance, glad she was by herself. Rowan’s father would probably have thumped me.

  I wouldn’t have blamed him.

  ~

  “You’re brooding,” Mum said, as she cleared the dinner plates off the table. “You haven’t said a word since you got home.”

  “I’ll do that, Mum,” I said, standing and taking the plates from her hands.

  “I’m worried about you.”

  “You’re always worried about me.”

  She sighed. “This is about you leaving, isn’t it?”

  I walked to the sink, and starting running the water to wash the dishes.

  “I ran into Mrs Taylor at the mall today,” I said, turning to look at her. She frowned, leaning against the kitchen counter as if needing it for support.

  “I’ve got to go, Mum. At the very least I have to try to prove myself, and show everyone that I’m not the same man I used to be.”

  Moving the dishes into the water, I grabbed the scrubbing brush and started to clean. Mum just stood there, watching as I moved around, doing both the washing and drying. Her eyes bore through me, as she followed my every move, looking pensive.

  “I’m scared, Andrew,” she said softly.

  “Scared of what?”

  “That it’ll all just get too much for you again.”

  I dried my hands on the towel, and gripped her arms. “This is why I need to prove myself. If even you think I’m going to snap again, it shows what an uphill battle I have.”

  “You can’t go near her. You can’t.”

  “Mum,” I said, meaning what was about to come out of my mouth. “I won’t.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  I spent hours in a car by myself with nothing but the radio to keep my company. I’d switched to some station playing 70s songs, lured by the old songs we used to listen to out of Charlie’s father’s vinyl collection.

  Drawn to the music despite the need to take a break from my memories, I sang along with the songs I never really liked back then. For her.

  I’d left in the dark. It felt like sneaking away leaving at an early hour, but I had said my goodbyes and just wanted to get on the road and away. Running into Rowan’s mother had been the final push for me to go.

  As the sun rose, I realised I hadn’t seen this for so very long. The first morning of our honeymoon, we’d been in bed and watched the light start filtering through the curtains, the romance of the moment not missed by either of us.

  Stop it. You have to stop living in the past.

  The woman who ran the boarding house had agreed to meet me to discuss a possible tenancy. It was a halfway house for former prison inmates. I’d be surrounded by others who might just have similar experiences to me. She was notoriously careful about whom she let live there, and I couldn’t blame her.

  My counsellor, Steve, warned me she might not let me in. She didn’t like men who were violent in any way, particularly with women, and he was concerned she would see me in that light. When he’d said that, my stomach began to ache. The thought of people seeing me as an abuser stung, but I hadn’t exactly treated Rowan right.

  I didn’t want to intrude too early, so I stopped at a cafe. When the coffee arrived, I took in the aroma, letting it permeate my senses. Mum and Dad drank instant, but there was nothing like a real coffee, brewed and prepared just the way I liked it. Somewhere, packed away with all my things in Mum and Dad’s garage, was a coffee machine. There were too many boxes to pack in my car, so I’d left it behind for the moment.

  Once you’re settled, you can have this every day.

  The little things were what made me happy.

  ~

  I returned.

  To the park where Kyle told me to leave his wife alone, to the park where I watched her so many times walking her baby, talking to her, singing to her. The gentle lullaby would carry through the air, further than I think Rowan ever thought it would. She would have been mortified if she’d realised. It calmed me as it did the baby, bringing me back to the old days when she’d loved me and I hadn’t done anything about it because I didn’t know I’d loved her too.

  I ducked behind a tree when I spotted them walking down the path. Rowan smiled and laughed, wrapping her arm around Kyle and resting her head on his shoulder as they strolled, their little girl holding her mother’s hand, skipping as she went. So much like Rowan, but so confident at the same time. Not shy and retiring like her mother had been.

  Seeing her again brought me a sense of calm, but my chest ached at the thought of that being mine. If I had not been such an idiot, seen what I needed to far too late. Now, there was no chance of being close to her, not even as a friend.

  “Mummy, pick me up,” the little girl screeched. I closed my eyes at the sound; she could have been my child if I hadn’t screwed things up.

  “Mia, come here.” I head Kyle’s voice. “Mummy can’t pick you up right now. But, if you want, you can ride on my shoulders.”

  I peeked around the tree, and watched as he scooped the little girl up, swinging her onto his shoulders as she squealed with laughter. Rowan smiled, her hand resting on her stomach as I realised why she couldn’t pick up her daughter up.

  Waiting until they were out of sight, I ran back to the car. I couldn’t do this again. As much as I wanted to say I was sorry, if I got caught approaching her, I’d be back inside as quick as I could blink.

  She was happy, and with the man she adored. I still remembered her begging me to let her go home, while I tried so hard to get her to see how she needed to leave him and be with me.

  I have no idea what I’d been thinking, so obsessed with convincing her to leave him and be with me. All rational thought was left behind as she’d called out for help, and I’d bound her wrists together with tape, making sure the child locks were set on the back doors so she couldn’t get out of the car.

  She’d still tried to fight, until I bound her feet together, and she was lef
t lying on the backseat, weeping and begging me to return her to her family. It was like I hadn’t heard her words. There was only one place we could go.

  With time and clarity, my actions weighed heavily on me. How could I leave that little baby all alone in the house? While Kyle was there, I hit him with the heaviest object I could lay my hands on quickly, and he went down hard.

  For all I knew at the time, I could have killed him.

  My hands gripped the steering wheel of the car, squeezing it until my knuckles turned white. I couldn’t reconcile the way I’d acted back then to myself; that was not the way I behaved. And yet, for those few days, I had gone crazy with needing her to listen to me, being blind to everything else.

  I didn’t know why I’d come here. The sense of familiarity, perhaps. She used to come here every day with Mia around the same time, but I’d had no idea she’d be there today. I thought I’d be able to walk around, and feel her presence in the wind.

  So stupid.

  Time to go and see this place I’d be staying at.

  Time to start again.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The boarding house was a big, old, Victorian manor. Whitewashed, but greyed with dirt, the whole place looked run down, moss growing on the walls at the base where water leaked. How this place was still standing, I had no idea. But, it was cheap.

  I walked into the large lobby area, looking down at the polished hardwood floors that gave the interior of the house a much newer look than the exterior. They looked maintained, even if nothing else did.

  I took a look at my surroundings. A large communal area was on the left of me, with couches and chairs, all pretty threadbare. Two men sat on a old red leather couch, cracked with the stuffing coming out in tufts. They were watching the large flat-screen on the wall. Straight ahead was a big, sweeping staircase and around the side of that, a corridor seemed to lead out the back, where I assumed the rooms to rent were.

  There was just one door on the right, and there was a sign attached to it that read Rental Enquiries Here.

  Approaching it, I knocked on the door. The facade of the tidy entrance fell apart as I felt the softness of the wood under my fist. It wouldn’t take much to put a hole in it.

  A woman opened the door. I guessed she was about fifty. She had greying hair, but wore skin-tight jeans and a Metallica T-shirt. She looked me up and down, raising an eyebrow before smiling.

  “Hi,” she said. I knew that expression. Before Charlie, I’d never had any trouble getting girls interested, and that was the look.

  “Hi. I’m Andrew Carmichael. I called about the room?”

  “Of course. I’m Carly Jones. Please, come in.” She stood back, ushering me into the small area behind her. The temperature rose as I entered, a small heater going in the corner. It wasn’t that cold, but I had my doubts about whether the place was insulated. In the corner was a display case with trophy after trophy, a bookcase against one wall with what looked like a ton of old books on display, a couch in the middle of the room, and a small television in the corner. Very cosy.

  She pointed to the couch, and I sat. From a door leading to what I assumed was the kitchen, the scent of meat told me she probably had been cooking a casserole all day, and my mouth watered at the thought. It was just like being at home, and even after just coming from Mum and Dad’s, I had a pang of homesickness.

  “I’m a bit choosy about whom I let live here, as I’ve told you,” she said, sitting next to me. “But, I heard about your wife, and a part of me got it. I can’t pretend I understand your crime, but no one should have to lose someone they love, not as young as you two were. You deserve a fresh start, Andrew. At least, that’s what I think.”

  I nodded. Every word she said made sense.

  “Thanks, Carly.”

  “We’ll go up in a minute, but this used to be a motel, so the rooms are more fully-contained units. As I explained the rooms are furnished, but you’re more than welcome to move your own things in. The main room has some furniture, and there’s a bench with a small kitchen area with stove, microwave and fridge. You’ll have your own bathroom with shower and toilet, so it’s very private. At the same time, we have a large communal lounge down here with a couple of TVs and couches. It’s not The Ritz, but it’s warm, dry, comfortable and clean.”

  I let out the breath I’d been holding as she described the place. It all sounded great to me, especially the privacy. I wanted to be out among people, but I didn’t want to be surrounded either. This would be a great place to gather my thoughts and get my shit together. Once I found a job that paid enough, I could move on and get a place of my own.

  “You look relieved.” She smiled at me, more like a mother than someone who was interested five minutes ago.

  “I’m just glad to find somewhere to live. I don’t think this will be easy, but this is one less thing to worry about.”

  She nodded. “That’s what we’re here for. I just need you to take a look at the rental form, and if you’re ready we can go and take a look at the room.”

  “Sure.”

  “There’s no rush, either. If you need to stay tonight and read it all over, take your time and we can talk some more tomorrow.”

  She handed me the papers and a pen, and I looked down at the words, which suddenly seemed like a lot to take in. This was what being a grown-up was all about.

  “It’s a big adjustment, being back out. Hopefully this is a start.”

  “I really appreciate it, Carly. To be honest I had no idea where to start. All I knew was that I couldn’t stay with my parents and go to work for my dad. That was the easy option. I need to work this out for me.”

  She smiled, patting me on the shoulder. “Good for you. Come on, let’s take a look at that room.”

  I followed her out to the stairs, and she led me down a corridor at the top. What she was doing here for these people, including me was amazing. I had to admire her. She clearly did her best to keep the place maintained, but I still had the feeling that if put under closer scrutiny, the place wouldn’t be in that good condition under the fresh paint.

  The room itself was quite large. There was enough space for me to bring in a television and some of my personal things. The double bed in the corner smelled of fresh linen. It would do until I could afford my own things. She was right about this being a great place to start. It wasn’t much, but I could do something with it.

  I ran my hand across the bench. It was old, the Formica chipped around the edges, and there was some good cupboard space for groceries. Using some of my savings would help set me up here, and the thought of having all of this at my disposal for the price was just amazing.

  “This is great,” I said to Carly, “I’m sure you could charge more rent than you do. Though I’m probably shooting myself in the foot, saying that.”

  “Oh, I know. This old place costs me next to nothing though. My parents left it to me when it was still a motel. I’ll admit it needs an overhaul, but I’m happy to help people like you.”

  I grinned; Carly really was in this for the pleasure of helping people. She was so selfless. “That’s awesome. I’ll look over the papers tonight and bring some of my stuff in from the car, if that’s okay.”

  “That’ll be fine. Do you need a hand bringing things up”

  “I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I walked towards the door, and as I passed her, she handed me the key.

  “Come on, we’ll ask Bob to help. He’s been here forever, and he looks out for all of us.”

  I cocked my head to look at her. “How long has he been here?”

  “Years. He got caught up in a gang in his teens. He was just a kid when he committed armed robbery. Completely harmless, and always feels like he needs to make up for what he did. So, he stays here with us and helps around the place. Such a gentle soul.”

  I followed her back downstairs and she stopped at a door just back from hers. A man emerged when she knocked. At a guess he was in his early forties, greying hair wild and c
razy, and nearly wearing the same clothes she did.

  “Bob, this is Andrew. He’s coming to stay here for a while. I was wondering if you would help him move some things in from the car.”

  He lit up at being asked to help, and I couldn’t help but smile at the obvious adoration he had for Carly. She seemed completely oblivious.

  “Sure thing.” He stepped out his door, and offered his hand for me to shake. “Good to meet you, Andrew.”

  “Likewise. I don’t have a lot, but I’d appreciate any help I can get.”

  He nodded, heading out the door towards my car and I followed. It seemed he kept a real close eye on things, as he knew just which car to go to.

  It only took a few trips to bring in everything and when we were finished we stood, looking at the packed boxes. Not much to unpack, but the start of my life was in them.

  Boxes, waiting to be unpacked. Charlie had wanted to christen our new bedroom, but I wanted to get the unpacking done. She’d danced and taunted me until I surrendered, following the trail of her clothes to the bed.

  I shook my head. It was a relief to have somewhere to live, but at the same time I ached for the life I used to have, the one I’d lost.

  “I’m just downstairs if you need anything,” Bob said. “Most people around here keep to themselves, but it’d be nice to have someone to talk to from time to time.”

  I grinned. Making a friend in the first half hour had to be a good sign.

  “Sounds great. Thanks for the help.”

  And then he left me alone in my new home. Free and scared.

  I had one more thing to do to say goodbye to the old and hello to the new.

  Say sorry.

  CHAPTER SIX

  I picked up and put down the phone maybe twenty times before dialling, taking deep breaths to keep calm when the receptionist answered and I asked for Kyle.